Dating in America is severely afflicted
The dating columns printed in The Daily Aztec Tempo section (”How the good guys can still have great success with girls” and “Too much nice gets stale fast,” Nov. 3) depressed me immensely.
The section featured two articles. One gave “nice guys” advice to supposedly help them get more girls - advice amounting to: Don’t be too nice because it’s equated with desperation. In the second column, the author described her brief relationship with a nice guy that became “stale” because “it was just too easy.” What a disheartening and painful revelation about our social hierarchy.
It’s baffling why the “nice guy” image is portrayed as being repulsive. Girls complain that he brought them flowers and candy, took them on expensive dates, had intellectual conversations, seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say and respected her as a person. At this point, I stare in blank confusion. Where, I wonder, lies the problem? According to the column by Maggie Grainger, there was no challenge in her relationship, and as a result, she got bored. What a blow to the male psyche: Nice is boring. Women complain that men objectify us, but seemingly their purpose is entertainment. There is no relationship in that - you get that from a television set.
The other column by Devin Kunysz was equally telling. Apparently, chivalry came from despairing, ugly guys who had nothing else going for them - not out of a sense of respect for women. The column discouraged guys from “overdoing” compliments and thoughtful gestures. As careful as the author was to emphasize that this did not entail becoming a jerk, the message still implied an attitude of indifference, which is absolutely unnecessary. I don’t know about other girls, but every time a guy holds a door open for me I thank him loud and clear. Considerate gestures are rare, and such behavior should be encouraged.
The above are symptoms of an American disease that is seldom addressed. Allow me to explain by way of an anecdote: A few weeks ago, my roommates conned me into watching an episode of MTV’s “Laguna Beach,” an experience I’d stealthily avoided since its airing, and for good reason. The show was just as bad as I’d feared. All the girls were blonde, inflated and intoxicated. They played with hearts of guys and stabbed girlfriends in the back; they were apathetic and selfish. One character, Kristin, was particularly manipulative. But for some reason, every guy tried to get her, despite the fact that she acted as a horrible person. This makes no sense.
Why is it that no matter how egocentric and vindictive someone is, they get away with it if they’re beautiful? More than get away with it - it seems as if the more atrocious they are, the more passion they are pursued with. And I’ve witnessed on countless occasions the outcry accompanying an average guy’s rejection.
They’ll say, “Women are selfish and materialistic. They only care about how you look on the outside, not what kind of person you are on the inside! Why can’t they look past the plain appearance and like me for the person I am?”
It astonishes me that no one sees the immense hypocrisy in this.
Simply put, if they were focusing on inside attributes, they wouldn’t be pursuing the hot-but-evil girls in the first place. Their attraction is based on looks, too, which is just as outrageous. They commit the very sin they condemn, which ultimately results in self-destruction.
If these guys would just stop and take a look at average girls, they would recognize the people who can and will provide the kind of relationships they’re looking for, minus the necessity of stunning beauty. Some of the most amazing people in the world are the ones who are “unseen.”
For a while I had an affliction of being a wallflower. I got sick of longing for guys who I had no chance with and who would use me and lose me if they ever did deign to go out on a date with me. I hated them deeply on a personal level because they were such jerks. When I realized what a hypocrite I was being, since the only basis of my attraction to such men was looks, I shifted my focus to the guys I could stand to talk to for more than five seconds. I actually made friends, and I have been dating my current boyfriend for more than two years. He appreciates me even more because I saw the potential in him when other girls ignored him for so long.
If all the sincere, sweet guys and girls that I see every day stop obsessing over the manipulative, power hungry people, they will see what I see - a world of people with the beauty, intelligence and humor that everyone craves. It is in that world where you can find not only an amazing significant other, but many more extraordinary friends.
Read the original column online here.
